so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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