I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
