The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize