Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
