I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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