You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
