Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
