hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
