woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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