Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
