Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
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