Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
