So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
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Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
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You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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