have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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