i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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