the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
