I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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