About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
