Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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