When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
