I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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