Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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