i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You made out with two different species that night
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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