He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
