I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
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After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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