i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Randomize
