If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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