wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize