I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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