I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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