I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
