i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
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Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
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Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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