I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
