Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Everyone says I win the strip club
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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