i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
