Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
