The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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