and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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