so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
