I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
