You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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