don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
