Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
