Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
i've created a new STD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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