god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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