I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
