I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
