I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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