it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
