allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
