I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I love you. Go after that dick
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
