It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
