So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
