margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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