You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
