Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
