It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
