Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I didn't notice because vodka
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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