evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
