More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Randomize
