Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
