just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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