I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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