whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
This is my gift to your gina
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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