i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
