It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
