The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
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